(Myri) Well, everything alright?
– Yes and you? Also good. What did you do today?
– I had lecture. Learned a bit about
what to eat. I have to go to physiotherapy soon. This moment is
particularly important for Myri. Once a day
she calls her eldest son Justin. Of course I know, at the end
of the day, he always calls me. Say good night to us and tell us
how his day was. Or in between times
before he goes to the physio. He gives us security,
knowing everything is fine
, don't worry. Worrying,
every mother knows this feeling. With Myri it has
a special depth. Justin is paraplegic. 4 years ago he died
in a motorcycle accident. We have always agreed that
no matter where you are going, please let us know
when you have arrived. Or when you come back.
That we know, all right, he's
on his way, he's arrived safely. He
didn't call that day, and then
the alarm bells are already ringing. Because he was always reliable. Myri's life and that of her family changes radically in the blink of an eye
. It's just an indescribable
hole to fall into. But then you just work. You turn everything off
and just function to experience
what really happened. * Music * When he was in the hospital, when we
knew it was a cross section, it was clear to me that I would stay there. And then I
discussed it with my family, and my husband and I
said we'll get through this together. We take turns. He in his possibilities,
because he was working or
had to take care of our 2nd son. But it was just clear,
I'm staying.
There were no discussions there. It was like that for both of us, one
stays by his side, always. Myri quits her job
at her husband's company and stays with her son
in the hospital. 8 months long. 18 hours a day. Of course I had to
sleep sometimes, or you had to eat something. But as far as it went, also from the
nursing side, that he needed the break to turn it around
or move it to wash it.
Then there was a break for me,
but otherwise I was always there. You don't even
know how to teach him. You will never be able to walk again. Myri describes her life before
the motorcycle accident as carefree. The family, happy.
The kids keep getting bigger. Justin at the age of 16 has
long been on the way to an independent life of his own. At first you feel sorry, you think,
how is that supposed to be. And then you get
incredibly attached to the kid again, even though he was 16 by then. But you commit to it. It's like it's a little
child that was born and now needs your help.
How is it possible to make something so incomprehensible
concrete? To process this shock and above all
not to lose your own life? Myri begins to write. "I'll start from scratch with the
day you had that accident. That was 3 days ago. I hope
my diary helps you and me to understand some things better. You practically
let your soul out when you write something " These are things
that you don't say either. You start to write,
and at some point you realize you're already at 10 pages. And you haven't
written down what you want to write yet, but you're
fine .
And I
started writing to explain to Justin at some point
what was the time like. He didn't even notice. He was in a coma for so long.
And he was missing this section. And then I thought to myself,
me write him that. It was just
incredibly good for me myself. I don't know how many times I
've written in this book. I love you and I'm here,
you can rely on me. But that was always
what I did also wanted to tell him Myri will stay by
her son's side for 4 years about everything
in his life. Then you still have school. How do we get him to school? The school was so great that they had a stair lift installed for
him. And she just reacted really well. He had courses that were at ground level. I don't know how many times
I went to see the teachers.
If anything, call me. Final trip to Rome,
I flew with you because you can't leave the responsibility to
the teacher. They don't know each other at all.
It's not the job either. And we didn't want to deny
him either. He should have graduated. are you booking another flight
Then I flew with you. Writing, the
strong family spirit and, above all, Justin's irrepressible
willpower help Myri to overcome all these hurdles. You create a small miracle. Justin fights his way
back onto the stage of life. Justin did his Abitur
and it was very important to him to
pick up his Abitur from his director. At eye level, i.e. his
training device, the exoskeleton, with which he had trained mega-wise,
it was clear to him that I would like to use this device to
get my high school diploma.
*Applause* No one knew
except the director. He really
walked through this large gym with this device and picked up
his high school diploma while standing in front of his director. And the whole hall stood up
and applauded. And that was so emotional for us as parents
or as a family. We all cried then. I won't forget that either.
Justin moved out a year ago. He studies medicine in Bochum and lives independently
in a small apartment. I can't just say
that I'm the strong one.
The others
did the same. I'm eternally grateful that
there wasn't more broken than was already broken at the moment of the accident
. Also for my children. Because of an accident, then maybe we
broke up as a spouse… The bond between Myri
and her husband lasts, that between mother and son
has come loose, at least on the outside. Myri learns
to take care of herself again. That moment was
when Justin moved out, Jaden now at 15 too,
I'll be gone then. And then you sat here
and then thought, okay, hm, if you
would do something now, that would be nice. It was my husband who said
it's a limit now. You care too much,
he needs to find his way. Myri is looking for a new job.
And find him.
She has been a waitress
in a family hotel in Sauerland for a year. Like her son, she too has managed to find her way
back into her own life. At this point I had to
detach myself from this phase. Saying no, not only
in relation to this cross-section, to this child who is sitting in a wheelchair, he
is going his own way. And now it's our turn again. I'm really fine. It pleases me well. Now is the stage
where I can live my life again. * Music * With their help, he has made the jump
from home faster than many
who are not in wheelchairs. The strength of this young man
impressed us greatly. What is a dream job? When I hardly slept and still jump out of bed in the morning in a
good mood. Mostly, not always. Or when I'm surprised
that people still pay for the work I love doing
.
Or when I used
to like tearing off wallpaper as a child. Melanie
already did that when she was 3 years old. Now you can
guess which industry she ended up in. She got on board when she was 16. It wasn't all dreamy,
but that's how it is with Melanie, muscles and brain together
, always prevails. Hello, my… Oh no. Yet again. Are you ready? Okay I got it. Hi, I'm Melanie,
28 years old and have been working in my dream job
as a painter and varnisher for 12 years. Melanie jumped
into her dream job when she was 16 , which doesn't necessarily say
woman, but she did n't give up
because she knows what she wants.
And for the dream job
you have to get up early. bring things down Then we can
actually start the day. Today Melanie and Elena are
working together. The food is yours too.
That's the most important. You are renovating a customer
's bedroom. Morning.
*knock* Good morning.
Melanie knew quite early on that painting was her thing. When I was 3 years old
, I said to my mother that I wanted to be a painter. I was always there
when wallpaper was scraped off or my father
painted something. I was always in the middle of it. The
internships started in the 8th grade. Then I went
to an insurance company or
I went to kindergarten. But that didn't blow me away
, I didn't go for it. Back then, my grandfather
worked in the painting shop.
He said give it a
try. Now I've been a painter and varnisher since I was 16
years old. And every day is different,
always new challenges. Melanie likes this. The dream job
didn't start out quite so fantastically. At the beginning there was
a practical test from the boss. I had a 3 month probationary period. And that was funny,
because he told my colleague , you let Melli
drag the 3 months first. I'll never forget that. It was so warm outside
and we had the whole car full. He picked up a bucket,
sat down on the bucket, filled the cigarette. Then he lit his
[ __ ] and said to me, now you're lugging everything up here. Then I said to my mother, they
use me as a towing help. She said
you'll get through this now. My boss just wanted to
see how my stamina is, because I'm his second
wife, whom he trained.
You have to see
what their limits are. Melanie and Elena are
always on the road as a team and have already impressed one or the other
customer. Elena, remember
when we were with the elderly lady where we had to put that closet
back? She thought we couldn't.
– Exactly. Right. Where they had the 2 carpenters
who couldn't do it, who
wanted to disassemble the closet.
Then we have the closet…
– She was impressed. Then she called Jörg
and said what strong girls we have here. Girl power,
but that wasn't always well received. Didn't I tell you? I rang the bell and we had a job
painting living rooms. Then I rang the bell,
then she opened the door and looked at me totally horrified
and said, like, woman? The door had already been closed.
– Just slammed? She slammed the door
in my face. Then she said I
was expecting a guy. Then I rang the bell again, then she opened up again
and said she would like a husband.
Then I had an apprentice with me, then she said, there is
a man after all, and he was allowed in. Only he? Not you? – At some point
she said, yes, come in then too. (Elena) Already cheeky.
– That's more like cheeky. But Melanie was
n't impressed by that. She is now a master painter and
sometimes makes clear announcements on site. We have to
stick with transparent silicone. You learn a lot from her,
although she is strict at times. She was strict in my apprenticeship,
but it has to be, that's how you learn. I've learned a lot from her,
so she's doing quite well. And anyway, being a woman
in the job also has advantages. (Melanie) You
get on better with the customer, that's true. You can tell that we have an
eye for thinking one step further, how will
the curtains look on the wall.
Or we take
a color from the carpet. It's mostly with the boys, they just
stand there, yes, blue fits quite well. We have this sensitivity
for the decoration with us. It's very nice for the
customers if we go into it a bit more
and explain to the customer how we would adopt this color scheme
, yes. Exactly. So dream job? Yes, but there was
a moment when Melanie
thought the dream job was over. Knots have formed here on the 2 fingers
. As a result, I could
no longer straighten my 2 fingers. It had to be operated on twice. Unfortunately, I now have
a wrong position in my hand. She hardly notices this while working.
Otherwise it would be bad, she says. Because I absolutely love my job
and I couldn't imagine not doing anything with my hands anymore. That would be
a big burden for me. Not the prettiest,
but still works. Meanwhile, Melanie is
not only a master painter, but also
the right hand of the boss. And when she looks into the future,
what does she see there? In 20 years I would like to see myself
in the position of my boss.
And I would also like to remain active as a painter
, but then also take on
the customer service. And then I hope that I will then also have a husband
and family. I have nothing more to say about it. Then I'll finish this. This man will take parental
leave when the children come. And support Melanie with
her dream job, right? Runs. In fact
, abortion is illegal in Germany. A lot of people don't realize that, because obviously
abortions are being performed. They are not allowed,
they are not punishable if a woman goes to a
consultation and gets a certificate. What many people don't know is that there are counseling centers that are not allowed
to issue such a certificate. A woman may lose
valuable time in her distress. * Music * Women who want to have an
abortion need, above all, a certificate from a state-approved
counseling center, and they need it quickly. Completely inexperienced, many
like Robin first search the Internet. I still had something in mind
with Pro F… That was a site
to turn to. We had that at school back then. And then I came to the
profemina page.
That was among the first 3 hits. And got that mixed up
with pro familia in my head. profemina is not a state-
approved counseling center, so it is not allowed to issue a
counseling certificate. The name suggests being
confused with pro familia. profemina, pro familia
sounds very similar. Quite often, in their nervousness
, the women are so confused that they click on the first page
that appears, and that is sometimes profemina. You don't see that in the consultation and you do
n't experience it either. There are trained, very friendly,
professional staff. It sometimes takes a week, 10 days, for the women to realize that they
don't even get a counseling certificate
. And they have to actively ask. Otherwise they won't find out. Then this time is
already lost. Then you get a message by e-mail
saying your unborn life
is talking to you. Somehow on such an emotional
and very personal level. Actually very much, you ca
n't even say subliminally. Very precisely in response to this
bad conscience and the fact that you are
killing a life, so to speak.
She
just barely made it to the deadline. A new appointment with a
recognized counseling center takes time. 3 days reflection period, mandatory. Finding a doctor for the abortion is
becoming increasingly difficult. Every day counts.
According to the WHO and studies, the earlier the termination is made, the lower
the medical risk. In addition
, many people first have to come to terms with their own ambivalences
and feelings, so sometimes
the decision takes time.
Then they have
various other hurdles. The information situation
is not so simple. The assumption of costs
must be clarified. The advice must be received. Then you have to look for an
address where a demolition is made. Very often time is running out. If you then lose 10 days
because you went to a counseling center
where you didn't realize that no certificate was
issued there. Then you have to find another
consultation and have 3 days to think about it.
This is a catastrophe
for those affected. Kristina Hänel has repeatedly
treated women who later realized that profemina
does not issue any counseling slips. She performed the
abortions. Just within the deadline. In the end it is the case that this does not prevent the termination of
pregnancy, except that a woman comes over the deadline
and possibly goes abroad. But in the end, the bad conscience
is much higher, and the women are deeply hurt. Also, that they fell for it like that
, it hurts a lot. As if this whole process was
n't difficult enough. She just
sped around the corner in her tricycle or stood in the auditorium with her school cone
or got braces,
that was just that. I often think when I
see my grown-up daughter. Now does she want to move out? She
can't do that. what will become of me Empty Nest,
you may know that.
It's going to happen one way or another,
and then it's better as a parent or mother to have a plan B
or even a life of your own. Not like Mareen, who, like many young people,
moved out to have some peace and quiet. Leonardo da Vinci,
Michelangelo, Buon… What's his name again?
*phone rings* (yawns) Oh man, who is that so early? What? Mummy? Sorry, nobody home. And bingo, nobody awake?
*message tone* "Hi love.
Saw you were online." How do I get out of this number
now? Oh, what the heck,
I answer briefly, before there is another huge discussion
. "Hey Mum. All good here.
Lots to do." Well, that was clear. What am I doing right now? What about "I've got a lot to do"
didn't make sense? Okay, plan B then. Just for the record,
yes, I love my parents.
We get along well, even if
we're not the best of friends. But sometimes there are those
days when you really doubt whether everyone has
understood that you have undressed, that you are standing on your own two feet, that you are
making decisions. Who is that again? "11 o'clock tennis. Dad." Crap. tennis with dad
Where did the appointment come from? That's in 1 hour.
Here it is too.
Wait a minute, next week
cooking with mom, in the evening with parents. guys, i've had enough. As a reminder, I'm in my late 20s, I'm studying, I have a job and
it's not called "my parents' child". That feeling of having
to constantly report because otherwise the parents would
be disappointed again, horror. But that's what the white lie is for. Hi dad, it's me, Mareen. Unfortunately I have to
cancel our tennis appointment. I still have a lot
to do for the university. Don't be angry with me, we
'll definitely make up for it. Ciao. Dad will understand.
University comes first, he always says. But I'm definitely doing thermal baths today, clearing my
head and stuff like that. So where was I? And another one. It's getting really
lonely on the childless front. "Baby shower invitation."
Pamela and Lars, that was clear. I can imagine
what mom will say to that.
(Mother) Hello my little one.
Have you heard it yet? It was really quick
for both of them. And Gisela has now become a grandmother.
Isn't that nice? Do
you already have plans? family plans? Absolutely no way.
To be honest, this constant questioning about when you're finally going to get married
and whether you want children is annoying. When will parents finally understand that
staying young takes a little longer these days? Graduating in art next year?
uh, dad? Why art? How many times do I have to say
that I study art history? …that I don't study art.
Speaking of dad. Then
something came up on Facebook. oh [ __ ] Oh, not that.
Dad. *mobile phone rings* Hi Sabina. Yes, I saw it too.
Super embarrassing. How can he easily upload photos of me
to Facebook? He sent you
a friend request? Don't take it. nope Yes, okay. Bye bye. "Please delete." Today we have
pasta with cheese sauce for lunch again. Yes, the finished version. When should I
stand in the kitchen between university and job? In terms of taste
, it's not that great.
Oh god what's in there. Luckily there is
something right at home on Sunday. [ __ ]. Now I've got that stuff
on my t-shirt. Will that go out again?
It's best to take it straight to mom's. * Doorbells * Who put this down here? Wait a minute, these are all things
from my old childhood room. My favorite stuffed animal
that you still exist. My old pencil case. "The rest of your stuff,
Ma and Pa." Well, if that isn't an expulsion. Growing up at home,
that's probably never really the case. There are advantages to staying a child. But sometimes it's
just exhausting when parents don't understand
that you're not 12 anymore. You call it caring, to us
it sounds more like control. What you take for granted often feels like a
duty to us. You mean well, but only we know what's good
for us. (Mother) Hello daughter. We actually had an
appointment for dinner on Sunday. Unfortunately
something came up. Just cook yourself
something delicious. I love you. bye Great. Great. You still have your own life.
For everyone who
doesn't get along so well with the Empty Nest, there is a first self-help group
in Berlin, "Empty Nest MOMS". I
hope there are other cities too. Otherwise I have to found one too. Here we continue
with "People up close" and the Höxter horror house. And one more tip
for tomorrow night. After the Kölner Treff there is a talk show about our
sex show "Ohjaaa!" at WDR. So 11:30 p.m., right after. Sabine will be there for you next week,
top fit, tanned. bye Copyright WDR 2022.
